Men are responsible for cheating. Period.
I’ve been asked (or told, rather) so many times, to write this concept down after I’ve explained it to a person during a discussion. So, I figured I had better, since so many seem to be fascinated with my point on the fact that men are the sole cause of cheating in relationships.
My thoughts, argument and proof:
First off, let’s start with my qualifications. I’m a womanizer and a heavy cheater.
Just like alcoholics say they are always alcoholics, I won’t belittle the severity of my past behavior by denying it, however, I’ll simply say that I’ve learned from my past and am healthily in remission for years now.
So, how do I justify the concept that men have to own cheating? Like this…
In a relationship, a healthy one, where both parties are committed and confirm the connection between the two, it’s the man who does and allows the straying between himself and his wife / girlfriend.
You see us men are truly designed for procreation. And the excuse of “spreading our seed” isn’t that far from the truth, since we are animals.
But unlike animals, we have been blessed with the ability to communicate. But communicators we are not.
Men and women have two distinct types of energy.
A man’s energy is to “give” and a woman’s energy is to “receive”. Doesn’t take a genius to see this in action with our complimentary body parts.
But unlike men, women have far greater needs than us. Far more dynamic emotions and roles they play in our lives.
If we look at this from the Biblical sense, we have two different aspects to consider.
1. Man was created as whole and a woman was created from man.
2. A man’s role is as protector and provider.
So, if woman was created from man, would it not make sense that her inner most psyche was full of dynamic and perpetual wonder and change? She herself was not created as whole but as from.
We men blame women on ever changing their minds, always being in varying moods, flying off the handle, etc… wouldn’t that make sense though, since, Biblically speaking we (men) were created whole and woman was created from us? She is not of her own, she is of us. That concept itself offers identity crisis.
The Bible talks about men being protector and provider. Ruth and Boaz is referred to as the greatest love story ever told.
But as men, we do not understand the nature of the role of protector / provider.
It’s not always sword and shield, money and home.
Protector is about honoring, respecting, nurturing, LEADING.
Provider is about offering support, learning her, being her biggest fan, encouraging, BEING PRESENT.
A woman’s first male love and example will always be her father. Good, bad or indifferent, this is the standard for which you are measured. But I’m getting ahead of myself…
The cheating comes from what we did and not what we didn’t do.
What we did was simple, we wanted, we courted, we fought and we sold ourself to get her attention, to get her approval and to get in her pants.
All of us men know the power we have to feed women any line of bullshit we can in order to get what we want.
The problem is that as men, we can’t see past what we want. But we know what our needs are.
Ever notice how in the beginning we get what we need from her? How willing she is to do anything and everything we want?
There’s a reason for it.
As men, we poured it on so damn thick that it triggered a level of impulse, excitement and aliveness in her that she craves and needs.
We do this for validation and sex. She responds to this in kind by seeing us as men that meet their needs. It’s like a drug for both of us and the companionship is intense and unmatched.
But, it’s us men who fail to keep the fire burning.
We fail to remember that as men we only have two roles… Protector and provider. She has MANY roles and requires her man to remain solid so that she may act on those roles and always have that safe haven to return to when her dynamic roles change.
As men where we fail is by failing to lead.
We are not equals in the relationship… We have two very distinct roles to play and leading is ours.
I’m not talking about ordering her to cook dinner or telling her what clothes to wear, rather, I’m talking about leading her to her true nature.
Leading her to always remember that you hunted her. You wanted her so badly and had to have her.
As men we LEAD by showing your confidence, your unwavering presence and your willingness to be what she needs.
We must perpetually court and date our wife. We must provide her with constant showing of desire for her, even when she is at her “worst” we must show our desire for all of her in action.
We must protect her craziness, her bullshit tantrums, her indecisive nature by proving to her that she can be all of the dynamic woman she is, because she is protected by our constant and unwavering presence as her man.
You see, we just don’t do this. We get what we want and we grow complacent.
Then, after time, she stops feeling as sexy and desired as you made her feel. So, she doesn’t feel the need to put forth the effort.
You, grow irritated and mistake the cold shoulder as nagging instead of seeing it as the little girl who tests her father figure to see what he’ll do.
Men seek the thrill of the chase in other women and women seek the thrill of being desired again by other men.
Women chase the “bad boys” and return to the ones who cheat on them for a very specific reason… It creates excitement.
And in that excitement is a place where their identity comes to life, however at the risk and cost of being with a man who cannot ever truly lead.
Men, are horrible and communication. We chase, get and grow complacent. We are the ones who are responsible for our dissatisfaction in life.
Think about it, why is it that we all claim that the fire dies after the honeymoon stage? Simple… Because neither kept the fire burning.
But, if a man did what he is supposed to do and lead, is partner would most certainly bring her gifts to the table and that fire would never die.
Bottom line is that every man is equipped with the tools necessary to always find what he wants in one woman. But lack of leadership and communication prevents him from doing so.
Men cause cheating. Plain and simple.
And men can also keep that fire scorching hot with the same effort it takes to extinguish it.
It’s all about leading.
Know God, know yourself in Him and you’ll know what it is to lead.